Friday and Saturday are spent in a surreal haze of pain. The pills I have thrown at it do nothing. The Squish is back in my head and it’s like some demon is wringing my brain like a sponge.
Everything hurts.
And self pity finds me. At 6:45 pm on Saturday April 2, 2011 I begin to feel self pity.
When the movement and fizzing happens I feel queasy and it shoots pain down and into my right eye. But the pain has now decided to take over whole head and no longer lives on the right. It has opened me like a duplex. Now the pain is its own lousy neighbor.
And I have been kicked out.
“I may belong to death but pain you may not have me,” I tell it.
It doesn’t listen to me.
I decide I am ready to start taking banned substances in this, the Olympics of my life.
The doc has said take the Zofran the ER gave me to get the queasiness under control so I can start the steroids she has prescribed. I take the Zofran and it does nothing.
There is just fire in the right side of my head, a pain and a plundering, a serpent, it’s like a hurricane happens in there.
By 9 pm I am deciding to take the Vicodin I have not taken since 2009. I don’t dislike it, it’s just that it guarantees instant “coma” for me. It is so potent it alleviates the pain but really I just pass out. So I start with a half dose.
But this time it does nothing. At midnight I have had no relief in right side of my head. (I do think body feels a little better, more relaxed, but not head.) I take the other half and assume I will sleep. Nothing. 4 am and I am still awake and in severe right side head pain.
This week “intractable” becomes a permanent part of my thinking.
I had thought Vic would take the pain away.
I am up all night again.
I have gotten so tired that sometimes when I look at a clock I have no idea which is the long hand and which is the short hand. 4 pm? 12:20 midnight or noon? What does it mean?
What does time even mean?
Pain that cannot be reached.
What does this say about it?
I am in the realm of the ordeal.
(the photo is Zofran)
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ReplyDeleteThe quantity of chronic pain patient is not very nominal and this is increasing day after day. Nothing can be more disastrous than living with a chronic pain. The cause may vary from patient to patient. This is the most complicated issue that you need to overcome with proper medication and prescription.
ReplyDeleteEven chronic pain attack can make a person think of committing suicide. Yes, patients with chronic pain feel better to finish the life than living it with such unbearable pain. In such cases, health care provider do not think twice before prescribing narcotic drugs as they give instant relief. Such quality outweighs the addiction and other factors of side effects.
Lilly Abbot
Findrxonline