Malpractice

I continue to think back to the appointments I had in the past 6-12 months with the yelling doctor.) Since seeing her and only going downhill into serious decline starting Fall 2007). I would tell her, “I am devastated by pain. I cannot function. I cannot sleep. I cannot play. I cannot work.”

And what I remember her repeatedly asking, in a strange panic, was, “What are you doing for money?”

Not medically relevant questions. Not concern for my pain. But she would say, “Well if you are not working, what are you doing for money?”

And I would say, “Well my mate has a job and has the house bills covered and I have spent the last of an inheritance and now I am racking up credit card debt.” And I would think she was going to see how damaged my life was getting as the pain and debility consumed everything, and that she would have ideas, or that maybe if I ended up a hundred percent disabled she would say some program would help me.

But what I can see now, is that she was not functioning as my doctor.

And she was abusing me.

And if there is any lesson here, it is just that I must remind myself and others, if your doctor is not helping you, find a new one as fast as you can.

If they make you feel more alone, find a new doctor.

If you are crying in their waiting room and also their exam room and then you leave crying, find a new doctor.

For three years I would find myself sitting or standing in her exam room crying because my pain was so severe. Before this, I never really recall crying in a doctor’s office before, not even in the ER when I was off the walls with pain. Not even at the GI doc in early 2009 when I was in so much pain in my upper right abdomen I told Dr. Marzano I was going to lie down on the carpet at his feet by his desk and stay there until the next day when he could do surgery and relieve me from the agony.

(And wow, thank goodness now I think for all the docs who did not do surgeries that may have actually been unnecessary. Though my pain was severe and so inexplicable, I was certain that my abdomen would be opened, my gall bladder at least examined, and maybe this past Fall, my skull drilled into. I fear surgery, but figured I was at the places of last resort. And since pain was so unabated for so long and at one point had me considering chopping off my toe with an axe in the kitchen, surgery in a modern operating room seemed a better idea. To be clear, my toe never hurt. It was innocent victim. It was my upper right abdomen that for weeks on end in Fall 2008 was screaming and did not let me eat or walk or sit or lie down.)

The funny thing about the yelling doctor and the money issue was, she was always paid by me. I juggled other bills but with her I always paid my co pay, insurance was generous to her, I paid all the remaining balance, and when we parted company on March 1, 2011 (on the day she did not even take my blood pressure before she began her tirade against me), she actually owed me $7.00.