5-17-11 to 5-18-11
After days of Imitrex and pain and agony, I went to bed and awakened an hour later so sick and queasy and hot and miserable I could not think of what to do. I was too nauseaus to swallow any more pills. My migraine plan was not working. I was desperate for sleep.
I thought of my epitaph:
She was here for a bit,
and then she was gone.
I could not think of what to do. I could not sleep. Could not eat. Could not swallow any more medicine. The pain in my upper right side head felt like it might blow my upper teeth out of my head.
My pain was really only a 6 or 7 and not the 11 I had experienced so often but I decided to go to the ER, to see if I could get help before I became an 11, or a 111, because I could tell this was not going to turn around. I was not going to get better on my own, was not going to be able to fly back to NJ in two days, was not going to enjoy any of my moments of life.
I borrowed my parent's car. It was four am and they were asleep. Outside was the biggest lowest to the earth full moon I have about ever seen. I drove myself to the ER and was lucky to hit a lull. There was one man there who had metal in his eye.
My bp was already at 148/112. I told them, "It's like I am on Day Million of a Migraine."
"My nerves have turned to barbed wire."
Pam does the intake. I sit in a quiet waiting room a bit and then am led to nice quiet dark room. Trish or Tricia is my nurse. Dr. Mongue comes in and asks what works for me and I say sadly so far Nothing. He asks if I have been imaged when I am having this pain and I say Yes two CT scans and an MRI.
He quickly decides he will give me an iv of fluids, compazine, and dilaudid and tells me I will not be able to drive.
They get the iv going. I ask for only a half dose of dilaudid to start since I don't think I have ever had it and they say it is so strong. I call my friend M, the lark, to see if he can visit me and bring me an iced tea because I am hugely thirsty and very exhausted and want to see a friend who is awake so early in the morning.
Soon, the drugs kick in and I feel a little better though it is so hard for me to hold still and that with the noise and lights have led me to avoid ER's, though today I am treated so kindly in a dimmed space. But I get shivering cold from the iv fluids and so restless I can hardly stay hooked to the iv, though I know it is helping.
My friend brings the tea and it is good to see him and the tea and I get the most incredible cottonmouth, something else I had never experienced, like your mouth turns to dry fabric, and its almost like you cannot breathe it is so dry.
And the meds have helped some and I just want to leave. The doc says I can go when I want to but first he asks if my pain is gone and I say its better and he says let me help you and tells me to take the other half of the dilaudid, which i do, and then Wow I see why I cannot drive as my eyelids close. Like heavy sideways curtains.
They try to decide what discharge drugs to give me and since I am allergic to percocet and since fioricet now does nothing for me, they decide to give me prescriptions for dilaudid and compazine.
I am grateful for the help. My friend drives me to my parent's condo. My eyelids are still closed. I fall asleep from 8 am to 11 am, wake up, and then go back to sleep until 12:30.
That day I get the rx filled and the pharmacist asks if I know what to expect and I say I am hoping it will work and he says, "it is our heavy-hitter."
"No driving, right?" I say.
"No driving."
So as the day continues my head gets worse and there is pain and crackling and pressure. I take benadryl. I take half a dilaudid. I take another half. It is like it makes my head worse. I take compazine. I read online that via an iv it is good for Status Migraine. Maybe I need to try that.
I take the compazine. It does nothing.
Why does an iv infusion work but pills either do nothing or actually seem to make me worse? Isn't there a clue here?
At 1 am I am nauseaus, head pain is severe, I wonder if I should start steroids? Do I go back to the ER for iv drugs? I cannot fly like this. I am nearly dead from the thing. I go back to bed with a hotpack on my head.
At 2 am, I still cannot sleep. The sound of icecubes shifting in the glass startles me.
How am I going to outlast this? How on earth am I supposed to survive this?
I take a Klonopin. This buys me 3-4 hours of sleep.
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