Snow and violets

Hot chocolate on a rainy day.

It’s the simple pleasures that mean the most and feel the best to me.

The morning began with me yelling very loudly in my sleep, “CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL” to my mate as he leaned down to kiss me goodbye. I was asleep and he thought I was referring to him driving in the snow, but it hadn’t been snowing when I went to bed at 2 am and I was yelling because just the pressure of him kissing my right cheek was causing me extreme pain. (My right side head had been hurting all night.)

Dr. Chenitz. OUCH.

But maybe this will all lead to something. This is what I am trying to explain to them happened in the Fall that landed me at the ER. Something exploded in the right side of my head. Was it an airbag? Was I in an accident in my sleep?

Could it be venous? My bp and pain were spiking high. Could it be musculoskeletal? It was as if someone broke my skull and ripped a tendon or ligament off its attachment site. But I was home alone and I was asleep when it happened.

So today I am off to have blood drawn and urine given. And I am waiting for the nice EEG lady to call me back to schedule. She was with an infant. ‘Oh, poor baby’, I thought. Too much suffering in this world and it starts so young.

When I was first in the ER in Nov 2008 with topping out, blow- off- ones- head pain, a woman gave birth next to me, in a certain degree of distress. I could not see all of her but I could see her Orthodox Jewish husband davening, and then the scream of the baby and all those suffering cries come from woman and child, and then when they said, “ The baby is a girl”, my heart broke. A girl born into this world with its endless pain.

I didn’t used to think like this.



March 23, 2011